Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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