I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
