i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
