It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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