She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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