Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
