We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize