I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
