you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
