so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
