I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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