plz talk dirty to me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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