Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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