Plan B is the new Plan A
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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