if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
