I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
