i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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