Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
