i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I intend to get homeless drunk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Randomize
