Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
