I will die if light touches me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
