Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
