i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
