i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I want is dick and wine.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
