Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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