sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
