dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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