If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
