How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
