my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
nutella sex= disaster
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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