It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
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i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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