If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
