i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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