Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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