You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We talked him into tasing himself.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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