I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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