All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
