Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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