Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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