I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
