we have officially lost it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
