i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
