Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
