based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
