I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
