So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
