And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
