peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
