The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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