I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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