Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
