This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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