pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
