I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
