I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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