Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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