you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
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Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize