good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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