They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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