What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
