I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
