You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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