Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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