I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
