I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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