I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
