sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
