I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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