I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
