how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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